“The Luxury of Being Yourself: Why Choice, Culture and Belonging Matter More Than Ever” By Sonal Dave
There is a question I ask every couple at the beginning of our journey together. It is not about flowers, music or venues. It is much simpler than that.
Tell me about yourselves. What do you want this ceremony to say about who you are?
Not what your families expect. Not what social media suggests. Not what tradition dictates. The answer is never straightforward, particularly in today’s world. We live in a society where identities are layered, relationships are nuanced, and many people find themselves balancing heritage, culture, faith, family expectations and personal values all at once.
As an Independent Celebrant, I have the privilege of helping people explore those questions and transform the answers into meaningful ceremonies that reflect their lives, their relationships and their hopes for the future.
What continues to inspire me is that, despite all our differences, most people want the same thing. They want to feel understood. They want to feel accepted. They want to feel that their story matters. Perhaps that is why I am so passionate about this work.
As someone born in Uganda, with roots in India and raised in Britain, I understand what it means to navigate different cultures and perspectives. As an Asian woman living with both visible and hidden disabilities, I have spent much of my life understanding the complexities of identity and belonging.
There are many people who grow up feeling they exist between worlds rather than fully within one. They learn to adapt, to translate and to move between different expectations and environments. While those experiences can be challenging, they can also become a source of strength. They teach empathy, and they encourage curiosity. They remind us that there is rarely one right way to live, celebrate or connect with others. These lessons have shaped not only who I am but also how I approach my work.
For generations, celebrations often followed a familiar path. Weddings, in particular, were shaped by family tradition, community expectations and established customs. There is great beauty in many of those traditions. They connect us to our heritage and create a sense of continuity between generations. Many couples still choose to celebrate in exactly that way, and rightly so. What has changed is not the value of tradition but the understanding that people now have more choice. Today’s couples are often creating relationships that reflect multiple cultures, different faiths and diverse life experiences.
For many British South Asians, this balancing act feels particularly familiar. We are often raised with a deep appreciation for family, culture and tradition while simultaneously building lives shaped by contemporary values and experiences. Contrary to popular perception, most couples are not seeking to reject tradition. They are seeking to understand it, honour it and decide which elements hold the deepest meaning for them. The challenge is rarely choosing one path over another. More often, it is finding ways to honour both.
Some of the most meaningful ceremonies I create are those that respectfully bridge generations. They allow couples to celebrate who they are today while acknowledging the people, traditions and stories that helped shape them. Many couples are blending traditions, creating new family dynamics and making conscious decisions about what aspects of their heritage they wish to carry forward. Increasingly, they are not asking, “What should our wedding look like?” but rather, “What feels right for us?”
Yet many people remain unaware that they have options. One of the most common conversations I have with couples begins with surprise. They are often unaware of the role of an Independent Celebrant or the flexibility that a celebrant-led ceremony can offer. What they often discover is that there are more possibilities than they realised. Many assume they must choose between a legal civil ceremony and a traditional religious ceremony. What they do not always realise is that they can complete the legal formalities separately and then create a ceremony with an Independent Celebrant that is entirely centred around them, their story and their values.
That does not mean abandoning tradition. Far from it. If a couple wishes to celebrate their marriage through a religious ceremony, that is wonderful. If they wish to honour customs passed down through generations, those traditions can hold immense significance. The difference is that, for the couple, it becomes a conscious choice rather than an expectation.
An Independent Celebrant ceremony begins with people, not a predetermined format. It begins with listening. It begins with understanding. It begins with discovering what matters most.
For some couples, that may mean incorporating traditions from different cultures. For others, it may involve respectfully acknowledging different faiths within the same ceremony. For LGBTQ+ couples, it may mean creating a space where their relationship is celebrated openly and authentically. For many, it is simply about having a ceremony that feels personal, meaningful and true to who they are. The ceremony becomes a reflection of their values, their personalities and their journey together. It celebrates them as individuals and celebrates them as a couple. Most importantly, it celebrates the life they are choosing to build together. Those moments are often incredibly emotional.
I have witnessed families gain a deeper understanding of one another. I have seen cultural traditions woven together in ways that honour everyone present. I have watched guests leave with a greater appreciation of the people they thought they knew. At its best, a ceremony does more than mark an occasion. It creates a connection. That belief in connection extends far beyond weddings.
Alongside my work as an Independent Celebrant, I am also a Toastmaster. While many people associate the role with formality and etiquette, I see it differently. To me, a Toastmaster is a guardian of the guest experience. The role is about creating an atmosphere where people can relax, engage and enjoy the occasion without worrying about what is happening behind the scenes.
The finest events are rarely remembered because everything ran exactly to schedule. They are remembered because of how they made people feel. Guests remember the warmth of the welcome. They remember moments of laughter, connection and celebration. They remember feeling valued. Guests may forget the table plan, the timings or even the menu. What they remember is how an event made them feel.
In many ways, the role of a Toastmaster is similar to that of an Independent Celebrant. Both require emotional intelligence. Both require adaptability. Both require an understanding that every event is ultimately about people.
As luxury experiences continue to evolve, I believe this human element is becoming increasingly important. True luxury is no longer defined solely by grandeur or extravagance. It is found in thoughtfulness, authenticity and attention to detail. It is found in experiences that feel personal rather than performative. It is found in creating moments that genuinely matter. My work beyond ceremonies and events has followed a similar theme.
As a Public Speaking Expert, I have spent many years helping both children and adults find the confidence to communicate effectively. Public speaking remains one of the most common fears people experience, yet communication is one of life’s most valuable skills. At its heart, communication is about connection. It is about understanding that your voice has value and that your perspective deserves to be heard. The confidence to speak often becomes the confidence to lead, participate and belong.
Perhaps that is why inclusion has become such an important thread throughout everything I do. Inclusion is often discussed as a policy, a strategy or an initiative. For me, it is much more personal than that. It is about ensuring people feel welcome exactly as they are. It is about recognising that our differences are not obstacles to connection but opportunities for understanding. It is about creating environments where people do not feel they must leave parts of themselves behind in order to fit in.
This perspective has been shaped not only by my personal experiences but also by my long-standing commitment to public service. For more than two decades, I have had the honour of serving as a Magistrate. The role has given me a unique insight into society and the realities of people’s lives. It has reinforced the importance of fairness, compassion, integrity and respect. It has shown me the consequences of exclusion and the transformative power of being treated with dignity. Those lessons remain with me every day. They influence how I listen. They influence how I lead. They influence how I serve others.
Alongside these commitments, I have also built two complementary businesses rooted in communication, celebration and human connection. Over time, this work has expanded to include educational resources, journals and online courses designed to make support more accessible and to help people continue learning beyond a single interaction. Entrepreneurship has never been solely about business growth for me. It has been about impact. It has been about creating opportunities for people to feel more confident, more connected and more understood.
As an Asian female entrepreneur working within professions where people who look like me remain underrepresented, I recognise the importance of visibility and representation. When people see someone who reflects aspects of their own experience, it can broaden their sense of what is possible. Representation is not the destination, but it is an important part of the journey. It creates pathways. It challenges assumptions. It encourages future generations to pursue opportunities they may not previously have considered.
Building businesses while managing disability and ongoing health challenges has required resilience, adaptability and determination. It has also deepened my understanding of the barriers many people face and strengthened my commitment to creating inclusive spaces wherever I can. The recognition my work has received on Netflix, BBC, well-known radio channels, major publications and receiving awards both nationally and internationally has been a tremendous honour. Yet the moments that stay with me are rarely the public ones. They are the conversations after a ceremony when someone says, “That felt exactly like us.” They are the parents who tell me they loved the ceremony their children chose because it felt authentically and unmistakably theirs. They are the individuals who discover confidence they did not know they possessed and go on to pursue opportunities they once thought were beyond their reach. They are the quiet moments when someone realises their voice matters. They are the moments when people feel seen. Ultimately, that is what all of my work comes back to.
Whether I am standing beside a couple as they make lifelong promises, guiding an important event as a Toastmaster, supporting someone in finding their voice, or serving my community as a Magistrate, the purpose remains remarkably similar. To create a connection. To celebrate individuality. To foster belonging. To remind people that their stories matter.
Because in a world that often encourages us to fit neatly into predefined expectations, there is something profoundly powerful about being fully ourselves. And perhaps that is the greatest luxury of all.
Sonal Dave is an award-winning Independent Celebrant, Toastmaster, Public Speaking Expert, Author and Magistrate. Known for creating inclusive, personalised ceremonies and empowering people to find their voice, she works across weddings, vow renewals, funerals, naming ceremonies, corporate events and education. Her work has been recognised nationally and internationally for its commitment to inclusion, communication and human connection.
Website: www.sonaldaveevents.com / www.sonaldave.com
Instagram: @sonaldave68
LinkedIn: @sonaldave68
Email: sonal@sonaldave.com
